Ask Amy: The ex-boyfriends’ tenacity wears thin

Dear Ami,

I dated an ex boyfriend over three years ago. We met through a dating app. I was in the process of moving to the same area he lived in (but not because of him). He broke up with me and I was okay with it.

Afterwards, he contacted me a couple more times. A few months after we broke up, I agreed to meet him, thinking he would finally break contact with him. I stated that I was not interested in pursuing any relationship. I blocked it on my phone after the meetup and thought it was over.

Since then, he has sent me several emails, once while I was dating my (now) husband. I ignored the email. He then asked me as a friend on my social networks and professional profiles. All rejected. He emailed me again. I replied, stating that I did not want any more contact, as I was now married. My email was short and to the point, but not mean. He asked me again as a friend on social media and even went as far as emailing me on my work email shortly after. I blocked him again from everything.

My husband is fully aware of every contact and we have decided together how to react. I just got another email (three months later) asking to meet. I would like to ignore him but I really have no idea why he keeps contacting me after I ask him to stop communicating. It’s been almost three years since we’ve been dating. I don’t want any relationship. I just want it to stop.

Exasperated woman

Dear Exasperated:

You have already stated that you do not want any more contact and he has chosen to press on. There’s nothing more to say, so you shouldn’t answer at all. Putting the most benign twist on this, it seems like this guy has set a reminder to reach out to you every three months or so, and he doesn’t have the ability or motivation to comply with your very clearly stated signal that you’re done.

I suggest you create a rule for his email address and send any email from him directly to a folder. (You should also check with your company’s HR/IT department about any further attempts to reach out to you through work channels.) This allows you to occasionally check if it persists or escalates. He will also provide proof of his contact in case you care enough to take legal action. Print all emails (along with the header, which lists your email address). Check the laws in your state regarding filing for a cyberstalking restraining order. Doing this research now will prepare you if it escalates and you feel threatened.


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